Why is it so hard to ask for help?
Just because you can… doesn’t mean you should.
For many high-achieving women, “I’ve got this” isn’t confidence — it’s conditioning.
The Hidden Cost of “I’ve Got This”
Did you know that asking for help is actually one of the most powerful ways to stay in your creativity and natural flow?
The concept of “I’ve got this” doesn’t mean that you should.
Have you ever received feedback that you need to delegate more, and although you agree in theory, you have no idea where to start?
Most traditional advice on delegating will tell you to plan ahead, build trust with your team, and set clear expectations. You may know all of that — and something may still get in the way.
For some, not asking for help is rooted in perfectionism.
But even as a recovering perfectionist, I don’t think that’s the real reason most women don’t ask for help.
I suspect it has more to do with proving.
You don’t ask for help because you have relied on yourself for so long. To get it done. To push through when you’re tired. To ensure others are on board.
Proving your worth by being the one who makes it all happen.
When Proving Drains Your Impact
Several years ago, I helped create a new division in a traditional organization.
I was leading business development efforts across two different divisions (and two bosses…)
To create a cohesive story of our overall revenue and prospects, I was working with spreadsheets from two different controllers. A huge portion of my time was spent just getting the spreadsheets to match.
Looking back, my time should have been spent on my message:
“This is where we are now. This is where we’re going. And this is how we’ll get there.”
That’s where my greatest impact was.
Instead, my energy was drained by the spreadsheets, and I didn’t have enough left to land the message that mattered most.
Often working late at night, I felt alone (and bitter).
- Didn’t anyone see how hard I was working to bridge two disconnected departments?
- Did anyone care that I was the only one trying to make sense of it all?
I’m not sure I even knew I could ask for help.
- I told myself it was my burden to carry.
- Even if I had thought to ask, I didn’t want to appear demanding — especially to peers who were also putting in long hours.
The story I told myself was:
“I’ve worked here longer. I know the systems and the personalities. I have to do it myself.”
What did that get me?
Absolutely nothing.
Except exhaustion and resentment — and eventually being overlooked for a promotion.
(If this pattern feels familiar, it echoes what I shared in Even If You Know Which Ball to Set Down, Will You? about trying to carry everything at once.)
The Belief Beneath the Behavior
My default is not to ask for help — not because I think I’m Superwoman — but because I can see the burden others are carrying.
- I don’t want to add to it.
- And somewhere deep down, I didn’t believe my needs were important enough.
There it is.
That belief — that your needs are secondary — will keep you in proving mode.
And as I wrote in How to Work With Resistance (Not Against It), growth often lives on the other side of the discomfort we’re avoiding.
Structure Creates Freedom
If I could do it all over again, I’d put more structure in place so I could stay in my flow — leading my team, connecting with clients, and focusing on where I create the most impact.
I could have said to the two VPs:
“I’ll report on combined revenue trends every 60 days.”
“The controllers will work together to create a cohesive report.”
“That allows all of us to plan, receive clean data, and focus on leading a meaningful conversation.”
Structure creates freedom.
And asking for help creates flow.
Asking for help isn’t weakness.
It’s a declaration that you’re willing to be supported.
(And a belief that you deserve support.)
Ready to Move from Proving to Receiving?
If you’re tired of proving — and ready to lead from steadiness instead of strain — let’s talk.
You can book a 30-minute Connection Call here.
Always in your corner,
Megan